Doggy Life

Bridges were unbuilt, and trouble coming.

2005-09-01T16:10:00.000-05:00

At Greenhearth was a fine site for a dam
And easy power, had they pushed the rail
Some stations nearer. They ignored his wires:
The bridges were unbuilt and trouble coming.
--- W.H. Auden, 1928
The horrendous flooding of New Orleans is raising many questions that need to be answered. The most obvious is why. Clearly, this was bound to happen. Perhaps preventing the actual breach of the levees would have been impossible, as working on them could potentially temporarily weaken them, a dangerous concession in a densely populated metropolis. It seems plain that if the flood cannot be prevented, at least the damage and resultant loss of life could be mitigated by a well coordinated evacuation, rescue and cleanup plan. Officials are copping the argument that no one could have predicted the severity of this disaster. Since under that assumption it would be impossible for anyone to fathom the extent of this catastrophe, no one can really be held accountable for not doing so. Unfortunately for the politicians and the stranded citizens of New Orleans, that isn't really the case.
Not only was there clear warning about the impending potential disaster, there is easily accessible data on the gravity of the situation. Dr. Ivor L. van Heerden of the LUS Hurricane center published a paper titled Coastal Land Loss: Hurricanes and New Orleans in 2004. Using supercomputing to create simulations and collect data, vanHeerden and his team came up with this portentous discovery:

Recent research reveals that a slow moving Category 3 hurricane, or stronger, could cause levee overtopping and complete flooding of New Orleans, with the West Bank even more susceptible. Floodwaters would have residence times of weeks. The resultant mix of sewage, corpses and chemicals in these standing flood waters would set the stage for massive disease outbreaks and prolonged chemical exposure. Estimates are that 300,000 persons would be trapped and 700,000 would be homeless; thousands could perish.

*For the complete .pdf of this paper (all 17 pages) check here. For a summary of this article, check out this link to the LSU Research Newsletter.

A lot of money was spent attempting to predict the damage of a flood situation. People were aware that this would happen. Why then was there not a sufficient infrastructure in place to help get the people out? Why did some not know how dangerous failing to evacuate could be? The University of New Orleans released a study in which up to 60% of New Orleans residents said they would not be scared of a flood, and would not evacuate for a Category 3 hurricane. Furthermore they found that the people who did evacuate for previous hurricanes such as Lili and Georges did not go far enough to escape the danger. A neat little summary of that study can be found here.

The persistance of many citizens is apparent, especially in blog entries prior to storm such as this chilling entry, dated July 08, 2005 on why this writer will not be evacuating for any subsequent storms:

I will admit that I said similar things when Ivan was on its way, then proceeded to evacuate, but this time I'm serious. I'm not leaving. Not. Leaving. Nagin can go on TV and talk about body bags being delivered and try to scare the living shit out of the city, but I'll take my chances.

Even with the intentional stubborness in regards to evacuating, the people who are really at risk are the ones who could not evacuate. Watch fifteen seconds of any news channel right now and you will notice one unifying factor. Almost every single person on the screen (except for Wolf Blitzer) is black and poor. It is now Thursday. This began almost five full days ago. The obvious excuse made by officials for the lack of representation around the SuperDome, Convention Center and flood areas is that they could not have anticipated this, and that it takes time to mobilize a response. Unfortunately, there is no more time. People are going to continue to die at exponential rates. Decomposition will further ensnare rescue attempts as the plethora of diseases like cholera and typhoid fever begin to develop.

When looking at the demographic of the stranded citizens, it is easy to make several generalizations. An overwhelming percentage (98% according to someone recently interviewed on CNN) of the remaining people are black. Many of them are ill, many are elderly, and most could not afford to evacuate. One obvious initial objection would be to question whether if these people were white suburban Old Metairie types would they still be stranded inside the SuperDome or Convention Center. The problem with that objection is that it fails to acknowledge that the reason these people aren't white suburbanites is because those types of people were able to flee. If a city orders an evacuation, especially a city with such a great potential for natural disaster, the city should do everything to help everyone who feasibly can to evacuate. Certainly there are people who must, for whatever reason, stay behind. Not only emergency personnel, police and doctors but the very ill and otherwise immobile people might not be able to escape, but certainly many more could have been transported out than were.
The next question to raise is why, given that these officers and EMT and such remained behind are they not able to mobilize more effectively. Today I saw that a man was arrested for stealing a car and attempting to drive himself, a female, and four children out of the city. The man was stopped by officers, removed from the car, and handcuffed. For what conceivable reason are officers wasting time preventing people from leaving by whatever means possible? the Chief of Police needs to reprioritize their operating procedures and stop focusing on thefts and instead work on rescue, recovery and containing the armed gangs that are now patrolling ~~Border Town~~ New Orleans.

Better Living Through Smarter Parenting

2005-07-19T21:45:00.000-05:00

There are a few things that I have been thinking about in regards to having children. Since I became engaged engaged I have had a lot of people mention child birthing and rearing to me as a natural follow up to the marriage track. As a result, I have been paying more attention to Diaper commercials and medications with warnings about taking them if "you are pregnant, or are considering becoming pregnant" in the hopes of honing my parenting skills before they even become neccessary.

On that note, here a few few child rearing lessons that I've put together for any new parents out there. I've never had a baby, nor have I really spent more than a few minutes with one in the past 18 years, so clearly, as an impartial observer of the process I have the highest likelihood of coming up with some really good "Expert Tips". Read on.

Doggylife's Tips for Parents!

"Funish" Your Children

TV court-umentary

The Max

sackful of kittens

Don't Deal in Absolutes

signs

albums

"Never Talk to Strangers"

"Never Smoke Cigarettes"

never

Jackie Earle Haley,

Tatum O'Neal

Rarely Talk to Strangers

Typically Don't Smoke Cigarettes

Often, Don't Eat Pennies

Role Models, Role Models, Role Models

John Hinckley

movies

Thats it for now. Stay tuned for more tips for raising your kids to be the responsible, frugal, and productive citizens that they aspire to be.

Back in Business

2005-07-19T20:35:00.000-05:00

What with the recent engagement, and the fact that I just now found out that "engagement" means that you are going to get married, and its not just another step in the "going steady" continuum, I've found myself rather occupied. Now that things are settling down, I vow to be a more frequent poster here. So mote it be.

Throughout my day I always think about things that I want to say to specific people. Usually its something mundane that I want to tell Bunny about, or something I need to say to the cat. Occasionally, I will think about something that I find amusing that I want to share, and I end up wasting it on someone I don't even know at a gas station.

My aspirations are to write down those types of things here, as I honestly have a better chance of being near an internet access point than a pad of paper. Also, since I spend so much time on the interweb, I figure I'll toss in links to things I encounter, which are occasionally interesting.

I vow to not publish a bunch of mildly thought out political rants which borrow heavily from The Daily Show Most of the time, I will try and not do posts dedicated specifically to pointing out a certain link, as that often annoys me on other sites. I'll try and work a healthy dosage of good links into the content I'm already writing, so every post will be like a little Delta Sky© Magazine issue that you don't have to buy a plane ticket to get for free. Each post will hopefully have as much riveting commentary, as many great deals on humidors, and as little inane crap as possible.

I guess this will be one of those "blogs" I've been hearing so much about on Prairie Home Companion. I'll be the first person on my block to write for a "b-l-o-g".

When Did I Eat That?

2005-06-17T06:09:00.000-05:00

I vomited so hard a few days ago that I ruptured blood vessels in my eyes. The volume of my vomit-fest was incredible. I mean volume in the sense of both noise and liquid amount. I havn't eaten as much stuff as I vomited up in the past two weeks.

After I finished, I checked my vomit out a little bit, just to see what all forcefully ejected itself, and to check for vital organs, and I couldn't believe the stuff in the pile. There were all these things that I hadn't eaten in a long time. A candy cane, several communion wafers, a penny, and some of those orange circus peanut candies all made an appearance, which is amazing, because I haven't eaten most of those things in years.

to grandmother's house we go

2004-11-25T01:38:00.000-05:00

I am going to my Great-Grandmother's house today and she is very old. She is 95, so she was alive during the "olden days". I don't know much about her, because she really only talks about bean crops and riding trains and such, so I have conjectured a lot of facts about her here, for my own enjoyment, and hopefully yours as well:

This is her boyfriend:
His name is Dr. Phineas K. Sherwood, and he makes headache tonics and various elixers in a travelling show. That is how they met. She was a young vagabond at the time, just riding the rails from town to town, trying to make a quick hustle at three card monte, or to earn a few pence shining a shoe.

This is her, Velma Haines:

One day, just after news reached town of the ironclad Merrimac breaking the Union blockade, Sherwood was walking to meet an acquaintance for a cordial, and so he had his shoes shined by young Velma. After she finished, he tossed her a piece of eight, or whatever the hell kind of money those people used. As she bit into it to test the coin's authenticity, she caught a look of surprise in his eyes, for few people doubted the honor of Dr. Sherwood. Just as their eyes met, Prey Soucy, the owner and piano player of Soucy's Saloon began playing When My Sugar Walks Down the Street by Irving Mills, and they knew they were to be sweethearts.

Absolutely none of the previous paragraphs are, or for that matter probably even could be true. I have no idea when the vaudeville era even happened, or who was involved in it. I don't know if she was alive during the Civil War, because I don't really know when that happened either. But I think it was during the time that they had soda jerks, people rode horses, and there was no electricity. Also, all the men of that time had mustaches and wore striped shirts with arm garters, and all of the children had dirty faces. I think the women were all ugly, but a lot of them would sleep around, and they had names like "Sassy Kate" and "Curly Jane" and they stuck their legs out of balconies to lure in men. Then they would drink opium tonics and have sex.

Some of that last part might not be true either.

As Christmastime nears...

2004-11-24T15:20:00.000-05:00

Since it is almost Thanksgiving, many new products are rolling onto store shelves everywhere for the giant commerce-fest that is the birthday of the christ child.

The most stupid one I have yet seen is the Oakley Thump.

Yes, it is a pair of sunglasses with a built in mp3 player. How fucking brilliant. Never has the presence of sunglasses prevented me from wearing headphones, nor has the wearing of headphones prevented me from wearing sunglasses.

One thing I do know about sunglasses is that they are easy to lose, and people frequently do lose them. Fortunately, with Oakley's patented new "Thump" technology you can now lose your sunglasses and mp3 player at the same time!

With the invention of newer and smaller electronic technology, it has never been easier to lose two things at the same time. For instance, it used to be easy to lose you cell phone, and easy to leave your camera somewhere, but now you can easily lose both at the same.

Thats what I call effiency. Notice the following chart:

You've got to admit its getting better, getting better all the time.

at last, my forever came today

2004-11-23T20:00:00.000-05:00

Until now I have been unable to remember the name of the show about these aliens in California with weird heads, but ten suddenly today it popped in my head: Alien Nation!

I never watched that show, not even one episode, but I was aware of it, because it was on the cover of TV Guide once when I was younger, and my parents got TV Guide. Actually not TV Guide, but that free tv guide thing that comes with the paper.

Regardless, I looked the show up on Tv Tome and when I showed Bunny the pictures of the aliens she said:

"I bet their testicles look like meatballs." That was all she had to say. I'm in love.

Am Dm Em C Bm

2004-11-23T01:18:00.000-05:00

While you're home in your living room,
I'm drunk on the subway tube

i'm trying to get out of this ugly parking lot
scene that I'm wandering
I've left you alone again;
your messages unreturned, no time the pay phone

Just keeping our noses clean, while swimming in salty seas
we're jumping in dirty leaves, to hide from the grass machines
that won't leave us to ourselves I can't help but tell myself
that I cannot help any more, and you've become such a bore

but we, bite our tongues, try to swallow the world
try to fill up our mouths till our throats are closed

if, we swallow it down, we won't make a sound
when the pipes are too filled up with dirt from the ground

i'd swallow my pride, but I'm swollen inside
from the weight you have kept in for oh so long

...jellicle cats come out at night

2004-11-21T13:28:00.000-05:00

I went to a great house warming party for Parker last night. He moved to Athens, but has been on tour for a while, so he is just getting settled into his new digs. His place is the pinnacle of style, and his friends were all interesting folks. Sometimes I forget that real people exist, and the party last night was a good reminder that they do, because it was full of them.

I met authors, musicians (not "Athens musicians", but real musicians, who know about music and literature and phrygian modes), scientists and genuine intellectuals. This town is full of "intellectuals" and I hate almost all of them. These intellectuals were different. They had facts to back up opinions, and well thought out ideas to back up those facts. Instead of thoughtlessly lambasting Bush or crying the praises of John Kerry these people wanted to talk about things such as how George McGovern helped start a downward spiral for the Democratic party.

No one ther vomited or got drunk off of their faces, they just sat, or stood, and listened to Willie Nelson work tapes and got to know each other, and enjoying the company of each other, and I sat and loved every minute of it.

If you are reading this Parker, thanks for a great evening, and I cannot wait to do it again. Also, I think somehow I left my cell phone at your house, but I cannot call you to verify that, as I have no cell phone. Bunny should be in contact shortly, if you ever answer your phone.

The Doggy Life is Changing

2004-11-21T13:18:00.000-05:00

The Doggy Life is undergoing some major revamping, I hope everyone likes the changes. Posting will be more frequent, content will be more worthwhile, rainbows will shine brighter and such.

My own personal life is undergoing some major revamping (no, I didn't break up with Bunny, I didn't mean that kind of vamp) and details will come soon....

Does Anyone Read The News Anymore?

2004-11-06T16:51:00.000-05:00

Instead of going on with a very long and boring tirade full of profanities and biased opinions here is a selection of interesting news articles culled from the past few days:

Voting Group Finds Irregularities in South

Election problems due to a software glitch change outcome of election

Computer glitch still baffles county clerk

Broward County Machines Count Backward

Palm Beach County Logs 88,000 More Votes Than Voters

Glitch gave Bush extra votes in Ohio

Thats just a few of many similar articles. Why is no one outraged? Where are the flag waving defenders of freedom and democracy now?

In states with paper ballots, the actual vote tallies were very similar to the exit poll results

In states with electronic voting, Kerry lost a significant percentage of votes between the exit polls and the actual votes being counted.

And then there is this.

Does anyone want to take bets?

2004-10-24T04:58:00.000-05:00

I am willing to wager that the election in November gets screwed up. My guesses are: ballot fraud, improper receipt of overseas ballots (from G.I.s for instance), or maybe electronic voting machine fraud. I don't really think that there is any likelihood of any of those things happening any more often than usual, but I bet after having the results decided by the Supreme Court in the last election, either losing party in '04 will contest the ballots.

oh, and also; Bush, Jeb and the missus landed a helicopter on the training field of the Boston Red Sox on Saturday. Dubya emerged from the helicopter to the stadium's loudspeakers playing the theme to Top Gun. Seriously. The President of the United States of America landed a helicopter on a baseball field, and walked out to "Top Gun Anthem" by Harold Faltermeyer & Steve Stevens from the hit 1986 feature starring Tom Cruise and the delightful Kelly McGillis. It reminds me of the time that Winston Churchill rode a jet bike over Snake River Canyon and onto the Dover cliffs to "New Sensation" by INXS, the theme of 1988's License to Drive; no, actually, it does not.

Also;
Dear Cnn.Com; BoSox is not an acceptable abbreviation for the Boston Red Sox. Red Sox, or simply Boston, will do fine. Richard Bentley is dead, you aren't paying by the word now Wolf.

No, you still can't come inside.

2004-10-23T04:17:00.000-05:00

     At the bar I work at, a fair percentage of would-be customers are under the legal consumption age of 21. People give me fake ID's constantly, and I always turn them away; that is one of the jobs that my boss pays me money to do. Very often, after refusal of his ID, and being asked for a second form of indentification, the scamp will protest about having lost various other forms of identification for various reasons such as, but not limited to:

      DUI

      Lost or stolen wallet

      general drunken stupidity

      just generally not possessing any other form of ID, i.e.
      a student ID, credit card, library card, social security card,
      Kroger card, voter registration card, or check book.

For god's sake, if any of these people are murdered, I hope their teeth are left intact.

      Eventually, many people resort to asking me "What difference does it make to you if I go in?" or "Can't you just let me in? My friends are all in there." Then I always explain to them that I am just doing the job my boss pays me to do, and for all I personally care, they can drink themselves to death. However, since I am being paid to not let them drink, I just can't let them in. For some reason these people have forgotten about Thomas Hobbes and seventh grade philosophy class. A social contract exists to ensure that ultimately people are treated fairly. Among these points is the agreement to perform adequately the job one is paid for, and to pay adequately for the job that is performed.

      Were it up to me guys and dolls, you could drink yourselves to suicides, abortions, and bar fights; because I do not give a flying fuck about any of you. Unfortunately for us both, my job is stop those things from happening, and you must understand that.

I am a door man.

Some people are door men.

America The Brute-iful

2004-10-20T00:27:00.000-05:00

Today on The Daily Show, Ed Koch said "although I do not support the President on any of his domestic policies that I am aware of, I feel that the country's number one job right now is to fight international terror."

This is absolutely ridiculous. It is not the primary job of the United States government to "fight international terror". The primary job of the goverment is to ensure the quality of life and safety of its citizens, fighting international crime is James Bond's job. Certainly, making the world safer is an extension of making America safe, but it certainly does not supercede domestic issues such as healthcare, unemployment, and a shit economy.

The job of "fighting international terror" is the primary concern for certain organizations outside of the United States government such as The United Nations, NATO, and the Fantastic Four.

My Girlfriend is an Internet Celebrity

2004-10-13T16:14:00.000-05:00

Bunny Mcintosh's blog, Melting Dolls.com is featured in a new article in Athens' Flagpole Magazine.

You can read the article and see the pictures here.

ThreePirates

2004-10-11T21:33:00.000-05:00

ThreePirates.com

A New Hope

2004-09-20T14:16:00.000-05:00

So I got offered a new job. Its going to be awesome. I'm going to be a bounty hunter. I'm the equivalent of a little kid who wants to be a fire fighter or a horse or a dump truck driver whose dreams have come true. I feel like the ugly duckling who has turned into a swan, only instead of a swan, I'm a guy who hunts other human beings for money with weapons, cunning, and intrigue.

I never know what I mean

2004-09-20T14:09:00.000-05:00

Things fall apart sometimes. Sometimes it seems like everything will always be a little bit out of place. Sometimes however, you can remember that lucky turns of fate do exist, and sometimes they come looking for you, and they find you, and they shove you onto a path, and they hand you someone to travel down it with, and things seem alright.

Sometimes you find things between your floorboards. Eventually you light your last cigarette. Other times you reach for a telephone, but then forget who you were even calling. Occasionally your power goes out, and then comes right back on, and you feel relief when you remember that you did pay the bill, and that the storm outside must be causing the blackout. Once I woke up because someone was in my room, and then I remembered who it was, and went back to sleep. One day I want to realise in mid sentence that I don't understand what I am talking about. Another day a doctor will find something that he doesn't want to.

Sometimes you should open your mouth only when your eyes are closed.

Just because I am looking at you doesn't mean I'm listening to you. Sometimes I'm just looking at you.

Party Like Its 1899

2004-09-17T14:06:00.000-05:00

My dad writes books on networking (not the computer kind) and meeting planning and motivational stuff. He asked me at one point to design his web page and book cover for his new book. I just stumbled across one of the book cover designs I did, and although I think its eye-catching, somehow I don't think it applied to the demographic his publishers were shooting for. I can't imagine why.

His book is titled "The Heart of Networking" and its available now for you up and coming suit wearing types.

What Is Orange and Yellow and Looks Good on a Hippie?

2004-09-16T08:26:00.000-05:00

I just was permanently awoken from my sleep (a good four hours before necessary) by a very strange and upsetting dream. It all took place in the vicinity of a bar I work in in Athens, GA.

At first things seemed okay. People were hanging out after working, having some drinks, and everything was grand. Various people were there; employees, high school classmates, a historical figure, (regular dream appearance-makers) and oddly enough, and I am definitely not making this up: Wil Wheaton in his full Star Trek outfit.

In reality, Wil Wheaton sort of started the night on its downhill tumble. After stealing my "Frequent Roller Card" which entitles me to a free burrito at the burrito restuarant across the street from the bar, which I incidentaly ate a burrito from when I was at work, Wil threw the card to a bunch of pseudo hippie bums. One grabbed it, and after yelling some mildly coherent anti-capitalist propaganda got the sense beaten out of him by bouncers at the bar next door. They beat him until his eyeball fell out. I have never seen anyone get their eyeball knocked out of their heads, but I'm pretty sure it would be a lot like how it happened last night.

As I ran across the bar to break up the fight, all of the sudden a bunch of what appeared to be Mexican revolutionaries stormed the bar, dousing everything with gasoline, and sealing off the exits. Panic ensued, as did gun shots from the Zapatistas or whatever the hell kind of group wants to storm a shitty frat bar and burn it to the ground in a beautiful pyre of flip flops, swishy skirts and camo hats. If I had to guess based on their conduct alone, I would say they were probably ex-employees, except I know that the owners of the bar would never hire non-white employees.

The point of the dream, as I see it is this: I know that there happens to be a fire door that is no longer in service on the top floor of the bar. I could choose to either alert as many bar patrons as possible to this fact and risk being shot by the siegers, or just run to the upstairs and never look back. I woke up right before making my decision.

Is this dream a subconcious effort to make me decide whether or not I want to hold on to this job or look for other employment? Is this my mind's way of saying that too much violence, blood, anger, sweat, deceit and intimidation surround my work environment, and that I am over educated and underpaid for the stupid people and ridiculous scenarious I have to endure? Or is the dream about my own desire to help people being outweighed by my desire for self-preservation? Or is it a commentary on how the inevitable end result of commerce and capitalism, in its truest sense, is bloody revolution, and a perspective on the necessity for Everyman to decide between attempting to preserve the status quo, and risk the personal consequences therein, or preserve oneself at the risk of allowing the system, and thus other people's way of life, perish. Or is it only just a way of telling me not to let Wil Wheaton hold my "frequent burrito eater guy" card? I always suck at self evaluations.

September 11th Remembered

2004-07-30T18:49:00.000-05:00

September 11th is a day that most people will not soon forget. Bloodshed and wanton murder were the prescription for the day. American citizens had their lives taken by a group of dark skinned heathens and religious zealots. Truly an era ended on that fateful day, and the war that would result from the attacks claimed the lives of many more. Even those we thought of as allies would turn against us, and America would be left as the one who suffered from the loss of unarmed civilian casualties.

As I am sure you are all aware, I am referencing that bloody day, September 11th, 1857, when Mormons and Indians teamed up to slaughter 120 settlers on their way to California. Be warned Mormons and Indians, a sleeping giants has awoken, and this day will not be forgotten.

On Reading History, by Richard Delicious

2004-07-30T09:53:00.001-05:00

Reading history, I cannot help but think of the future.

Imagine a time so far from now that the ruins of the Chelsea Hotel
are just being made ready to be unearthed in an archaelogical exploration.

Think of a time when the recently discovered manuscripts of Proust or Koontz or Toshiba create the only perception of what people were like in the third millenium.

"What an odd culture they were!" exclaimed a woman, ten-thousand years from now,
noticing a headline about the recent discovery.

"The mighty and powerful King James ruled Earth for centuries, and the people built this tower for his honor." lectured a gray haired professor; who in all likelihood would not have gray hair at all.

"What would it be like to live during the silicon age?" a child asked his father,

"You should be grateful to be alive today" the father replied,

"The people of a civilized age are much better off in the end."

My cat is an unwilling hipster

2004-07-26T16:53:00.000-05:00

According to the Athens Banner Herald my cat, Morrissey, pictured above, is an unwilling and unwitting hipster. The articles sites the dangers of the independent Athens music scene for animals. Check out the article here.

Fair, Balanced, Modest, Not Rascist

2004-07-20T14:47:00.000-05:00

Bunny and I recently attended a screening of OutFoxed, a documentary about Rupert Murdoch and his Fox News Mega-Empire. While the documentary itself lacks in many areas, it did inspire a lot of thought about television in general, and the state of American news journalism. It is a fairly interesting movie, and has been received reviews that I think are better than it deserves. Doonesbury even recently did a strip on it.

The thing that bugs me the most about Fox is not their biased "reporting", or even the way that mindless suburban drivers of Suburbans believe every word of what O'Reilly and Company say. I just think it is really amusing that they call themselves "Fair and Balanced" because it seems to me that through the act of labelling yourself "Fair" or "Balanced" you inherently become biased and unfair. Does this not seem obvious to everyone? Its like giving your own television station the "Most Humble and Modest Station in the World" award. If you have to say it, it isn't true. Like when someone starts a sentence with: "I'm not a rascist, but..." If you have to preface a statement with a disclaimer about not being a rascist, get a clue, you are a rascit.

5 Things You Don't Know About Me

2004-07-17T14:08:00.000-05:00

1. I am only wearing a towel, because I just got out of the shower.

2. I am hungover enough to get in the shower, and then forget to wash my hair.

3. Someone left an Ayn Rand book on my bed last night. What the hell is that?

4. I am so poor right now that two nights ago, for dinner, I ate a whole package of raw cookie dough.

5. I tricked you into thinking I had five things you don't know about me.

Doggy Life Now Atkins Friendly!

2004-07-15T13:02:00.000-05:00

The Doggy Life has been official certified as Atkins Friendly by Atkins Nutritionals, Inc. This blog now wears the Dr. Atkins seal of approval, meaning daily consumption of the Doggy Life will fit in with any phase of the Atkins lifestyle!

Eat Up!

Kerry and Edwards Sitting In a Tree...

2004-07-15T01:03:00.000-05:00

Holy Shit, Bald Eagles are Fucking Delicious

2004-07-14T23:03:00.000-05:00

I knew it would surface eventually, and now it has. Bald eagles, our nation's treasured bird are not only delicious, but highly nutritious. National Geographic recently ran an article on this breakthrough. Researchers at the University of Georgia no less recently made this breakthrough. The complete article is available here. It even has links to delicious bald eagle recipes. Fucking right.

Dear Terrorists...

2004-07-05T16:01:00.000-05:00

Dear Terrorists:
After a very uneventful Fourth of July, I am beginning to question your zeal. Here in America want to hate you and your country as much as you hate us, but you are making it very difficult. Beheadings, bombings and rocket propelled grenadings have been significantly down recently. If this relationship is going to last, you need to start pulling your weight. How is the average American suppossed to despise you and your culture if you aren't actively taking part in terror on a daily basis? We all know that you claim to love terror, but words only stretch so far.

We are committed to our hatred of you, are you committed to us?

2004-06-28T11:28:00.000-05:00

hehehehehehe

A terrible beauty is born

2004-06-27T12:38:00.000-05:00

I have met them at close of day
Coming with vivid faces
From counter or desk among grey
Eighteenth-century houses.
I have passed with a nod of the head
Or polite meaningless words,
Or have lingered awhile and said
Polite meaningless words,
And thought before I had done
Of a mocking tale or a gibe
To please a companion
Around the fire at the club,
Being certain that they and I
But lived where motley is worn:
All changed, changed utterly:
A terrible beauty is born.

I'm drunk on panda mystery!

2004-06-21T08:26:00.000-05:00

Its amazing how many pictures of people in panda outfits can be found on the internet.

and this love song is for no one at all...

2004-06-20T01:49:00.000-05:00

We both were searching out cool water and so we walked together,
And talked about the next day's work, and how we liked the weather.
Walking by your side it seemed would surely be a boon,
For I was shaded in the morning, and you in afternoon.
When in the shade we each could see but in the light you squinted,
Seeing only as a pair at night when moon was lifted.

And when our prize at last we spied you whimpered as a child,
for in between the here and there did scream a chasm wild.
We heard a river miles below, and went our separate ways,
For always searching, never finding makes for lonely days.
The day's bright light upon your face, your eyes were small and shifted,
Seeing only as a pair at night when moon was lifted.

~RDelicious~

This poem is not for anyone, but should be read by all.

2004-06-20T01:46:00.000-05:00

He was found by the Bureau of Statistics to be
One against whom there was no official complaint,
And all the reports on his conduct agree
That, in the modern sense of an old-fashioned word, he was a saint,
For in everything he did he served the Greater Community.
Except for the War till the day he retired
He worked in a factory and never got fired,
But satisfied his employers, Fudge Motors Inc.
Yet he wasn't a scab or odd in his views,
For his Union reports that he paid his dues,
(Our report on his Union shows it was sound)
And our Social Psychology workers found
That he was popular with his mates and liked a drink.
The Press are convinced that he bought a paper every day
And that his reactions to advertisements were normal in every way.
Policies taken out in his name prove that he was fully insured,
And his Health-card shows he was once in hospital but left it cured.
Both Producers Research and High-Grade Living declare
He was fully sensible to the advantages of the Installment Plan
And had everything necessary to the Modern Man,
A phonograph, a radio, a car and a frigidaire.
Our researchers into Public Opinion are content
That he held the proper opinions for he time of year;
When there was peace, he was for peace; when there was war, he went.
He was married and added five children to the population,
Which our Eugenist says was the right number for a parent of his generation.
And our teachers report that he never interfered with their education.
Was he free? Was he happy? The question is absurd:
Had anything been wrong, we should certainly have heard.

This Poem is for you, and I hope you read it.

2004-06-20T01:36:00.000-05:00

Lay your sleeping head, my love,
Human on my faithless arm;
Time and fevers burn away
Individual beauty from
Thoughtful children, and the grave
Proves the child ephemeral:
But in my arms till break of day
Let the living creature lie,
Mortal, guilty, but to me
The entirely beautiful.

Soul and body have no bounds:
To lovers as they lie upon
Her tolerant enchanted slope
In their ordinary swoon,
Grave the vision Venus sends
Of supernatural sympathy,
Universal love and hope;
While an abstract insight wakes
Among the glaciers and the rocks
The hermit's sensual ecstasy.

Certainty, fidelity
On the stroke of midnight pass
Like vibrations of a bell,
And fashionable madmen raise
Their pedantic boring cry:
Every farthing of the cost,
All the dreaded cards foretell,
Shall be paid, but from this night
Not a whisper, not a thought,
Not a kiss nor look be lost.

Beauty, midnight, vision dies:
Let the winds of dawn that blow
Softly round your dreaming head
Such a day of sweetness show
Eye and knocking heart may bless,
Find the mortal world enough;
Noons of dryness see you fed
By the involuntary powers,
Nights of insult let you pass
Watched by every human love.

September 1, 1939

2004-06-19T16:47:00.000-05:00

I sit in one of the dives
On Fifty-second Street
Uncertain and afraid
As the clever hopes expire
Of a low dishonest decade:
Waves of anger and fear
Circulate over the bright
And darkened lands of the earth,
Obsessing our private lives;
The unmentionable odour of death
Offends the September night.

Accurate scholarship can
Unearth the whole offence
From Luther until now
That has driven a culture mad,
Find what occurred at Linz,
What huge imago made
A psychopathic god:
I and the public know
What all schoolchildren learn,
Those to whom evil is done
Do evil in return.

Exiled Thucydides knew
All that a speech can say
About Democracy,
And what dictators do,
The elderly rubbish they talk
To an apathetic grave;
Analysed all in his book,
The enlightenment driven away,
The habit-forming pain,
Mismanagement and grief:
We must suffer them all again...

Defenceless under the night
Our world in stupor lies;
Yet, dotted everywhere,
Ironic points of light
Flash out wherever the Just
Exchange their messages:
May I, composed like them
Of Eros and of dust,
Beleaguered by the same
Negation and despair,
Show an affirming flame.

Happy Bloomsday to All

2004-06-16T16:49:00.000-05:00

Today is Bloomsday. So everyone should leave their houses, buy some beers, and read Ulysses. I am going to borders right now, because I have lost my copy, and I am going to buy a copy of Ulysses, and Stephen Hawking's A Brief History of Time. Then I am going to go downtown, and read Ulysses whilst drinking beer to celebrate the crazy day of June 16.

Just when things start to suck, this comes around

2004-06-16T01:25:00.000-05:00

Just when I felt that my life sucked enough, there is this to make me happy. I do love the John Kerry guy, but this photo (courtesy of some photoshop on my part) makes me feel better. At least I am better looking than the Presidential hopefull. I think...

I'm sure that one day, someone will love me, I mean, shit, it worked for Kerry, he's married to a model. My aim isn't nearly that high.

Heaven is Just a Cigarette Away

2004-06-15T17:07:00.000-05:00

I'm going outside to smoke a cigarette, and all I can think about is how much I wish I didn't smoke. The problem is that I really fucking like to smoke,the act of it, the taste, the whole deal.

Mostly, it just makes me look really cool.

Yahoo is trying to compete with Gmail, but still sucking

2004-06-15T12:45:00.000-05:00

Yahoo is attempting to remain in competition with Google's new Gmail, according to the New York TimesUnfortunately for suckass Yahoo, I think most people will understand that 100mb of storage and 1 gig are pretty different, so is the difference between $0.00 and $19.95.

I could never have a yahoo email address, because it would make me feel even more like a fourteen year old girl. My address would be: hppysummrgrl@yahoo.com.

League of Women Voters change position on e-voting

2004-06-15T00:30:00.000-05:00

Thanks in part, I'm sure, to my ascerbic post here, the League of Women Voters rescinded their opinion on paperless voting machines.

Its about damn time. The average age of LWV members is over fifty, so it is understandable that these people might not understand the inherent security issues when dealing with fully computerized voting. Fortunately, their younger constituents understand these problems, and were able to enact a Wind of Change

MBV stills kicks ass, mostly because you don't like them.

2004-06-15T00:03:00.000-05:00

My Bloody Valentine continues to kick ass, and as reported by PitchforkMedia.com, will be releasing both box sets, and a new DVD. If you are not into MBV, you should go right now and purchase Loveless. It is short, it makes little sense, and it is dying to rock your face. What do you have to lose?

Coolest invention of all time

2004-06-14T19:12:00.000-05:00

Well, it has finally happened, the erotic fantasy invention of countless numbers of mindless fratboys, perverts and general voyeurs has come true, with the invention of invisibility cloaks.

Thats right, invisibilty like the fucking Predator. By that I mean "The Predator" the movie, not "The Predator" Roman Polanksi. At any rate, this invention should tickle the snot out of business owners, military types, peeping toms, and panty raiders around the globe.

Can't Buy Me Love

2004-06-14T19:01:00.000-05:00

Can't Buy Me Love is on TV right now, on Oxygen, and I am going to watch ever minute of it, unless I have to leave, or do something else, or something better comes on.

I watched a good portion of St. Elmo's Fire at Room 13, the new bar in the old outside half of the Engine Room. That movie kicks ass, but it really lacks in the Anthony Michael Hall department.

Also, this is pretty cool.

Hooray for John Barrow

2004-06-14T14:45:00.000-05:00

John Barrow is filming a commercial today in front of the UGA chapel at 4:30, and I am going to go be an extra. I don't particularly care a lot about John Barrow's campaign, but I like being on tv, and I'm really bored.

Barrow is running for Congress, and while he seems a good candidate, with a lot of endorsements from important democrats, he doesn't really have any opinions. For most of the issues he addresses, he simply says yes or no.
I imagine the tag line to the campaign commercial will go something like this:

Education... John Barrow is for it!

Pollution... John Barrow is against it

Terrorism... John Barrow says no!

Jobs...      John Barrow says yes to new jobs, and no to losing jobs!
(voiceover)"John Barrow, he is either for or against most of the things you either support or don't support"

*Paid for by friends of John Barrow for Congress

Space: The Final Frontier

2004-06-14T11:11:00.000-05:00

The Cassini-Huygens space probe is currently very close to Saturn's moon Phoebe. Some of the pictures are damn cool. Phoebe is very old, perhaps from the very start of our own universe, which, according to some was a mere six thousand years ago.

Take that naysayers!

Interesting News Bits

2004-06-14T02:43:00.000-05:00

The BBC covered Nancy Reagan's plea to Bush to attempt to change the administration's stance on stem cell research. A few months back Bill O'Reilly apologized for his support of Bush's pre-war claims about the weapons of mass destruction. It is interesting to see such conservative people pulling their support from Bush.

Three years ago Bush banned stem cell research. Why is it legal for the president to enforce medical and sciencentific laws? Doesn't the fact that the president can decide that some scientific research is illegal seem ridiculous? Could he say, for instance, that researching black holes is illegal?

I guess, they still have 15 days to fix up Iraq. They have only lost two members of the senior governing council in the last two days.

George Senior celebrated his 80th birthday by jumping out of a plane. He said that he wanted to do it in memorium of Reagan. That makes sense. Nothing could celebrate my life like someone risking theirs by jumping out of a plane.

In per capita distribution, the money from the terror prevention grant program is an absurd waste of money. North Dakota receives $40.42 per person, while the New York receives only $5.40. I guess the good people over at the, Menoken Indian Village State Historic Site can sleep a little easier tonight.

But isn't that just what the terrorists would be expecting... suckers.

so tired

2004-06-14T02:01:00.000-05:00

I can never sleep anymore. Even after nights of heavy drinking, I wake up early and never soundly sleep. Ohh wait, I just thought of something.

SCTV is funnier than SNL

2004-06-13T23:16:00.000-05:00

I just saw an ad for a SCTV box set and I really want it. Its a lot funnier than SNL, and yet SNL is on tv alot, and so is MadTV, and MadTV has never been funny, even once.

sort of funny clip I came across

2004-06-13T22:14:00.000-05:00

This clip is from a ten minute long film that isn't terribly funny, but the first scene is fairly amusing. I wanted to try and see if I could stream it off of this page, but I can't get it to work, so go here to check it out.

Bicycle races are coming your way, So forget all your duties oh yeah!

2004-06-13T20:32:00.000-05:00

I had to sell my motorcycle, a really cool 1965 Bridgestone, because I never rode it that much, and I mainly got it to go between my house and downtown Athens, but it is really no more convenient than a car, because you have to park it in a space.

In order to pocket some money, and still have convenient transportation, I bought a Ross Eurotrail from Agora. My digital camera isn't working right now, so I had to steal this pic off the internet. It is not exactly my bike, but pretty damn close.

All said and done, with new tires and some tuneup work, it cost me less than $100 and it only takes me ten minutes to get downtown from my house, about the same time it would take driving a car and finding a parking spot.
Oh, yeah, and as my roommate noticed, after I bought the bike, it is a girl's bike. But I don't give a fuck, cause that's how I roll. Apparently girl bikes slant down in between your legs, and guys bikes are straight across. This is pretty backwards seeming to me, because if I were to fall off, I would as much space in between my crotch and the metal frame as possible.

Bonsai Kitten

2004-06-13T17:55:00.000-05:00

This is a really old site, but I just stumbled across it again, and it always makes me laugh. Bonsai Kittens are the perfect house decoration, and also make great pseudo-pets. Pick one up today!

League of Women Voters Block Verifiable E-Voting

2004-06-13T17:03:00.000-05:00

The Associated Press just ran a good article on The League of Women Voters, and their president's effort to block the effort to institute verifiable paper records on the new Diebold electronic voting machines. The absurdity is that obviously there is no disadvantage to keeping a paper record of votes, it simply ensures that the votes can be verified in the event of a computer error. Diebold, the company that makes the machines stated that they run on the very reliable Windows operating system. Who the hell trusts that? My computer crashes all the time.

As good ol' Joe Stalin said "It's not the votes that count, but who counts the votes."

My first post of all time, ever.

2004-06-13T15:00:00.000-05:00

For some reason, it now seems a good idea to start one of these fancy electronic diaries that the entire world can read. I think I will post a lot of news bits that I come across, album reviews, and general stuff that I like to talk about.